Willow’s birthday present list
1. The lilac coloured blueberry scented doll, This will only cost me £5.99 at Woolworths and is exactly what she has asked for. Very economical but tests poorly for long term; it smells and looks terrible and I don’t need any more ugly plastic crap to trip over on the stairs.
2. A choice of 3 types of cartoon character cakes from Marks and Spencer @ £5 each, which will make her very excited and very sick in the car later. Looks flashy but will crash your machine.
3. A £20 voucher to spend in John Lewis on something really useful. My Mum thinks this is a good idea but it still costs £20 and Willow will not be impressed. More boring than the internet.
4. Arrange to be away on business for several weeks and hope she forgets all about her birthday
5. Share options in The Star of the East. This will cost me nothing but Willow will be even less impressed than by her visit to John Lewis with Grandma. Moreover if I get bought out by Microsoft or AOL, I’ll have to share the proceeds with her and she might turn into Alexis Carrington from Dynasty.
6. A surprise. This could very very expensive or extremely cheap, depending on how clever I am. It is also exactly what she wants, even if she doesn’t know it yet. Better still the long term effect is that she will love me for ever, or at least until she is thirteen.

Web Graphic Designer’s time management and self motivation 6 point plan
1. Give the client exactly what they ask for. This is very cheap to do but unfortunately you can’t charge much for it so the profits are low. Also you end up with a load of crap work in your portfolio that trips you up every time you see a potential new client.
2. Give the client a choice of 3 looks and feels. Then he can have a look, have feel, give them a little squeeze, have good old grope and when he got himself excited enough he can give your ideas a really good seeing to. We are all prostitutes, but three for the price of one?
3. The client pays you money and then you give it back. Did I miss something there?
4. Arrange to go away on holiday for several weeks and hope that by the time you get back everyone will forget that you once told them you used to help Jarvis Cocker with his homework when you were at St Martins College.
5. Sell your soul to the devil or float it on the stock market, whichever is cheaper. Could cause problems later if you want to get married to a catholic.
6. A surprise. This could very very expensive or extremely cheap, depending on how clever you are. It is also exactly what the client wants, even if they don’t know it yet. Better still, the long term effect is that they will keep paying you for ever.