May I Have Your Attention Please?
May I Have Your Attention Please?

Will The Real Creative Director Please Stand Up?
I Repeat, Will The Real Creative Director Please Stand Up?
We’re going to have a problem here…

You look Like You’ve Never Seen A Mac Monkey Before
You’ve got more CD’s in here than HMV
Living on Expense Accounts, but nothing is free

Suck, Suck, Suck. I think the record’s stuck
Win, free, money back, 20% extra
Never mind about D&AD, just feel the texture
It’s the end of the line for the creative Chinchilla
Any flavour you like so long as it’s Vanilla
Nik Studzinski, incy wincy arse like Njinski
If you want to shift units take a tip from Atilla
Bet your budget on a Silverback Gorilla
Call me up by the pool at my artsy French villa

Use whatever you can use, Use whoever who can you use
Don’t give me no Brand Building Bullshit Perfection,
Art Direction, Introspection, Account Sarah Confection,
User Pathway Detection, Small Print Inspection
Mike Cavers talks dirtier than Marshal Mathers
On the line is in, below the line is out

Chorus [x2]
I’m Creative Director, Yes I’m The Real Creative Director
Any Other Creative Director is Just a Poor Imitator
So Will The Real Creative Director Please Stand Up,
Please Stand Up, Please Stand Up?

Don’t give me no matching tie and handkerchief
You know you’ve got set a thief to catch a thief
Don’t give me no floppy fringe whimsy
Undo a button for Mr. Tim Lindsay
His raison d’être may look a little flimsy

But you’ve got admit he’s the man
To get that far with swept back hair and a tan
There always has to be a nice guy
But I’m proof that pigs really can fly
Holistic Behavior, That’s something I saviour
Your hole or mine, We’re doing fine, Living like swine
So when it’s time for the Commercial Intermission
Remember, it’s not art, it’s Customer Acquisition
Take me somewhere sunny, I’ll help you count your money
Fetch me a nice fresh Client Service Bunny,
Cash cow. Act now. Click here. No fear. Sale closed
Here’s two fingers to Digital, count them
On the line is in, below the line is out

Chorus [x2]

They say I’m a hard cunt, but I take the brunt
Of your Return On Investment, It’s a testament
To my pulling power, I’m a tower [not a very tall tower]
And you won’t win me over, for a role in the clover
Courtney loves Keith but he’s got no teeth
Been eating too much chocolate and doing it with animals
We ain’t nothing but mammals, well some of us cannibals
Take Danny Kellard, he thinks he’s well hard
But I’ve seen his liver it would make Old Nick shiver
Do you fancy a sliver? with chianti of course
or any kind of sauce that you fancy
Don’t give me Media Neutral; fill me up with petrol
Straight out of detox coming through your letter box
I’m a Marketing Nuclear Warhead, Bang Bang, you’re dead
Stand back and watch the inflation of my Reconciliation
Bow down to the Power of Information, Desperation
Dislocation, Separation, Condemnation, Revelation,
Temptation, Isolation, Desolation. Let it go Bono.
On the line is in, below the line is out

Chorus [x2]
hey, we’re all Creative Directors, let’s all stand up